Weigh-In Live: Kara vs. Farah

“Weighing in at 130lbs, 5 foot 3, Kara ‘the little dago runner’ Crotchie!”

Round one of the 24 day cleanse….

We all have our motives to why we do things.  We diet to lose weight, we lose weight to find love, we find love to fill a void.  Whatever your motive is there is ultimately something that initially puts fire under your butt.

After contemplating doing this 24 day cleanse for awhile, I decided to give it a whirl.  Let me preface this with the fact that I’ve gone nearly half my life battling with eating issues.  But about 5 years ago, I put an end to all of my head games just by making some small personal changes, including: 1. I never stepped on a scale (if I went to the doctors, I refused to know my weight.)  2. I never discussed diets with other women. 3. NO DIETING. This is just to name a few and it consumed so much of my every day life, the numbers of my weight, the counting calories, the fad diets and diet pills that I wanted nothing more to throw it all to the curb.  However, with that I started to take on a bit of an unhealthy lifestyle as if it were my revolt against eating disorders and “Farah Noel” took over…

Farah Noel, who I call my alter ego, is this carefree girl that stopped saving her money and picked up far too many tabs on the weekends.  She drinks Jameson straight from the bottle, slams 7 beers, gets late night Taco Bell, sleeps it off and goes for a morning 10 miler. Farah has eaten more fast food and drank more Mountain Dews than Kara would had EVER let her.  She ‘s every overweight Frat guy’s dream girl…

Needless to say, the alter ego is a bit much.   I’ve maintained my weight for the most part.  Being as active as I am, it seems as if I could pile anything onto my plate and get away with it.   But I’m a bit embarrassed about habits that I’ve allowed to take over me.  People tend to think thin equals healthy but it’s certainly not the case and these eating habits will start to take way as I continue to age.  I’m just at the point where I don’t want this lifestyle to spiral into something where I very well could had stopped it with a bit of willpower and common sense.

I’m taking the next 24 days to “reboot” my system and reflect a bit on how I view myself and how I want others to view me.   That’s it.  That’s my motive.  Not to fit into a size 2 jeans or to show everyone how much self control I have.  It’s about me. 

Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.” – Margaret J. Wheatley

#myironiclife

In 1995, Alanis Morisette released the song, Ironic,  about so-called ironic events and circumstances.  She should had called it “Unfortunate” because ultimately, “a black fly in your chardonnay” is just unfortunate and by no means ironic.  What is ironic though?  After nearly 30 years of being adamant about not wanting children, ranting and raving about my big city, single girl, child-free, rockstar lifestyle, I “met the man of my dreams, and then met his beautiful children… “ Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?

It’s ironic too that, the Saturday before Easter, instead of the normal meet up with drinking buddies and getting hammed town at a local bar, I found myself trying to come up with creative places to hide Easter eggs.   What’s so wrong with hiding Easter eggs? Hiding Easter eggs is the ultimate sign of adulthood and maturity.  You know you’re getting old when any of the following occur: 

1.     You hide Easter eggs.

2.      You actually LIKE the ugly Christmas sweater you once wore to an ugly sweater party in college.

Unless you’ve got some crazy infatuation with egg hunts, chances are if you hid eggs this weekend, you have children of your own.   Suddenly, all of my childhood traditions are coming to life again, and Easter isn’t just about embracing my hangover and inhaling my nephew’s candy.   I feel like Ebenezer Scrooge when he finally comes to terms with the real meaning of Christmas.  I’ve finally come to terms with why people want to have their own families.  While difficult at times, children bring so much life to your days.

Saturday was a turning point for me, realizing what a significant part Joel’s girls play in my life. It’s refreshing and terrifying all at the same time.  Because it’s one thing to give your heart to one person … it’s a whole other ball game when you give it to three…

"And, all I want is for you to be happy

And, take this moment to make you my family

And, finally you have found something perfect.” - Red Hot Chili Peppers

 

There goes my dream of being a foot model… 

There goes my dream of being a foot model… 

Anonymous said: hi! have you ever pooped when running?

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for your kind note!  I have pooped during a run!  It was everything I could had ever dreamed of!

Yours truly,

Ask a better question

Beach B*tch

I’m headed to Costa Rica tomorrow and although very excited, one of the first and only things that came to mind was “my fear”… No, not a fear of drinking dirty, undistilled water and crapping my brains out or a fear of sharks or hurricanes or greasy guys hitting on me… no, no, no… my fear is much, MUCH worse.  You see when I was about 14 years old, I developed a Swimsuitphobia.  It’s just how it sounds: The Fear of Swimsuits.  I am scared of bathing suits more then the thought of being on an open, unguarded ledge at the top of the Sears Tower.  (ok, Willis Tower,  SHUT UP ITS MY BLOG!!!)  You’d think Stephen King made horror movies about bathing suits, not spiders, the way I get squirmish around the “B” word.

If you think I am kidding, look through the 3,000 Facebook photos of mine and find me in a bathing suit.  (Ok, there is one, Circa 1986, when I was innocent and young and far from corruption of the media.)  With my fear of bathing suits, has come a rollercoaster of emotional social situations and arguments amongst boyfriends and friends… I’ve spent countless days at beaches, pools, vacations, work trips and boat rides explaining why I’m not wearing a bathing suit.  Where most girls buy 3 new swimsuits every summer, I have owned about 3 in my entire life.   (That’s including the 1977 hand-me down from my older sister.)  About every 10 years, I muster up the courage to buy one, but even then, I miraculously forget it at home. 

So yesterday, I walked into Target on a mission for a suit.  I drooled over the two piece bathing suits and the pictures of the models with their size 0 waists and flat stomachs.   (Hooray for Photoshop!)  What I would give to have the confidence to strut my shit in that!??   I piled a couple of suits into my basket, got into the changing room and immediately started to sweat.  I think there ought to be a full bar inside women’s changing rooms… Ya know, kind of like having a few drinks at a bar and suddenly thinking you can sing like Whitney Houston or dance like Tina Turner.  Had I been a few martinis deep, I swear I would had seen Cyndi Crawford in the mirror… but unfortunately, no… I saw my pasty white, Homer Simpson gut, skinny arms and Kardashian booty that  couldn’t keep the bottoms from creeping up my crack.  Needless to say not a pretty combination.

This is where I get deep and sappy… MEN need not proceed…  

I then had this internal discussion with myself about how liberated I’ve felt in the past few years and how I’ve prided on being a mentor to girls and women who have struggled with eating disorders and body image.  What am I teaching other women if I am preaching to love your body yet show up to a pool in a freaking snowsuit in 95 degree weather? I felt that owning a bathing suit was a very simple step towards proving I love my body and everything it has to offer, and that women of all sizes should feel the same.  Besides, doesn’t it look more ridiculous to show up to the beach in full length jeans then to just be in a freakin’ bathing suit!?!?!?!? 

So here I go… two piece and all… I’ll be showing more skin then a Debbie does Dallas movie… and if there is anything you can take from this blog… is that while in a bathing suit, ensure that everyone around you is hammered. Kiddddddiiinnnnnng! (Kind of. Ok. But for real…) 

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."~ Anna Quindlen

Nearly my whole life I thought losing weight was everything… but I have found that gaining strength within your mind, body and soul is truly what matters…

sorry i missed this day of run club…

sorry i missed this day of run club…

What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You A Fighter

Saturday afternoon, Me to Joel… “Ya know, I really hate this marathoning crap!  Why do I continue to sign up for these?  I don’t want to train for this thing…”

Sunday morning, Me at Stoney Creek… 8 mile run at 7:35 pace, non-stop.

Sunday after the run, me thinking… “Holy shit! That felt great!  I can’t wait to race! I can’t wait to train for the marathon!”

Sunday afternoon, Me to Joel..”I totally kicked ass on my run! I can’t wait for Pittsburgh marathon!  I wanna sign up for ten more!”

Sunday afternoon, Joel thinking… “This girl is psycho.”

 Ya know, even the motivated get unmotivated from time to time.  But the difference between motivated people and unmotivated is that motivated people know how to get back up…

This whole Pittsburgh marathon was bringing me down, after what seemed to be an entire month of holiday gluttony, I couldn’t fathom putting myself through yet another torturous marathon training plan.  I just wanted to inhale chocolate covered cherries and listen to NPR podcasts.  What was I thinking when I signed up? Hadn’t I sworn off marathons back in April of 2011?   So, after beating myself up and of course a bit of self pity, I decided to dig deep my first day of marathon training… and that I just did.  Unlike most people, when I think all hell has broke loose, when I am down and hate life, I like to turn it around… I like to test myself, prove to myself that I’m better than that.  I like to challenge myself…

 And with just less than a week into the new year, many people are challenging themselves with new resolutions.  My opinion on resolutions is that they’re crap.  Yes, I said it. C R A P. Look it up in the dictionary and you’ll see me squatting next to a tree, dingle berries and all. (No, dingle berries don’t grow on trees.)  Someone asked me  what were my 2013 resolutions… I just laughed.  “Resolutions are for people that make excuses all year long.”  I make goals for myself on a daily, weekly, monthly basis… I don’t wait 364 days to figure out what I want out of life.   I am constantly evolving and striving for more out of life.  You ought to do the same…

 So, excuse me, if this blog is a bit scattered… it’s been awhile since I wrote.  And for some reason today I was craving it.  I’ve been craving my artistic side lately.  I am entirely certain it’s because of my surroundings, the amazing RAW artists I have in my life that continue to inspire me.  In addition to my boyfriend who continues to stand behind me in everything I do…  and because it’s a helluva view… (ha!)   I have found how necessary it is to have a significant other to encourage you to do what you love.  My mother was a bit surprised when I told her yesterday that Joel insists I continue to knockdown my goals and the reasons I set out for Chicago, and to not let our relationship stand in the way.  Where most guys would feel threatened to have a confident woman on their hands, Joel encourages it.

 So, on this same thought… If there is one thing I can hope for you and your significant other, is that you motivate each other.  Notice how after some people get married they gain 30 lbs and get comfortable?  Why would you stop being healthy in your relationship… don’t you want to live longer and happier TOGETHER?  Joel has most recently gotten me into P90x, a 45 minute full body workout routine.  Back in October, after a run, I’d done a few situps, in which he remarks “Did you just do 4 situps? 4?!?!” In which I reply… “Yeah, if I lose my beerbelly, I will have to rename my blog.”  So, as big as a runner I am , I never got back into strength training.  The truth is, I have a tendency to obsess about things (no shit, Sherlock!)  and I did not want to spiral back into the lifestyle I once had (because laxatives should never be a daily part of your diet…)  But I got a little push, decided to try this P90x… and I’m about 2 months here and there into it.  I will tell you what… I vow that my running is and has improved simply because of it and I encourage every athlete to discover the benefits of strength training.

 Last but not least, I will touch on in regard to marathoning..if I hmmm and haw about marathons, why do I continue to sign up for them?  You know how you have days you don’t want to exercise but once you do, you feel 10 times better and youre glad you did it?  That’s how I get about marathons.   Once I am in training, everything else in my life seems to shape up.  My work becomes easier, my mind becomes clearer.  And being that this marathon is one of the hardest courses I will have encountered, it will also be parallel with my relationship this year.  Although, the happiest and most content I’ve ever been in a relationship (and completely in love) it has come with its share of challenges… and just like my marathon training, I’ll continue fight and work hard at it J

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…”- Kelly Clarkston